Holding It All Together - Simulated Patient - by Amy McCollom

I won't be winning a Grammy or walking the red carpet any time soon. I won't be seeing my name up in lights. I won't be schmoozing with the stars or attending any Hollywood shin-digs. But for a few times each spring, I put on the act of a lifetime.

Nope, I'm not in a play. But with my experience, I'm beginning to think I could be. What I'm talking about is the little job I've been doing for the past 3 years. I'm a simulated patient at the U of I medical school. I'm sure a lot of you have never heard of such a thing.

What I do is act out a scenario of symptoms, and allow the medical students to perform examinations on me to get practice for the real job of being a physician. It's very interesting, and helpful for the students. I've had to pretend to be everything from depressed, to living in denial of a health concern, to having pneumonia, heart disease, stomach ulcers, and a drinking problem.

These scenarios are carefully planned, and are several pages long. I have to remember the history of my "fake" family members, and be ready to answer any of the students' questions about what is bothering me. I am given a list of complaints to present, but have to wait for the student to ask about each one. It's kind of a game at times, only the student gets good feedback, either from the video of the encounter or from the assistant teacher who is in the room at the time. It's a very good way of teaching.

It's not as easy as you think. There is a tremendous amount of information I must remember, like who in my family has had similar symptoms, when do the symptoms occur, what makes the symptoms better or worse, when did the symptoms first begin, and exactly what do the symptoms feel like. I have to be convincing, sometimes even "fake coughing" to make myself more believable. There are usually 6-8 students that you have to perform this scenario for in a day, so this can be rather tiring. Especially if I have to pretend to be depressed, by the end of the day it takes a lot of work to convince myself that I'm not having these symptoms.

The physical exams are really good for the students, as most of them are just starting to work with patients and have no idea how to go about draping, tapping on the back, inspecting the skin, and other examinations. And after being poked and pressed on by 6-8 students in a row, I do get a little sore.

But it's for a good cause. The medical students need practice to get good at what they will be doing, and it's cool to be a part of their learning process, and be able to give feedback to them about what they can do different, or what they do right. They are always so thankful and appreciative. It makes me feel good to be able to help them learn.

So how did I get hooked up with this gig? Well, my brother is a doctor. He teaches medical students for the SIU medical school, along with being a family practice doctor, and suggested I look into the U of I medical school's program. I contacted my personal doctor, and a few emails later, I'm interviewing for the job. Next thing I know, I'm getting up early for what they call an ASCII (o-skee). My first scenario to act out. I had a blast.

But isn't life just one big act anyway? I mean, no matter what you do for a living, you have to act. The shoe salesman convinces you his store sells the best shoes at the best price. From politicians to the waitress at the truck stop, all are trying to convince us of something. Do you really think all the people you encounter in a day actually like seeing you as much as they seem to? We're all actors, some of us get paid, and some do not.

Jaques:

All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts,

His acts being seven ages.

Holding It All Together - March Madness - by Amy McCollom

I didn't know when I picked March 12th as a wedding date that it would forever be in competition with a yearly event so much bigger than I could ever imagine. March Madness. Before I met John, I thought March Madness was a week of sales and shopping for Easter dresses. Then he introduced me to basketball.

Not being much of an athlete, I knew little about the game. When I was in high school, I remember having to play basketball in P.E., and basically ran from one end of the gym to the other, chasing the ball and the person who had it. I never got to touch the ball, so the game appeared to me to be a lot like tag. Only you didn't just tag the girl who had the ball, you had to take it away from her. Then you became it. Then everybody would chase you down to get the ball. I did a lot of running, and was never it.

My siblings didn't play the game, and my parents were never athletes, so I didn't really have anyone who could explain the rules. I was just expected to know how to play the game during P.E. So how in the world did I end up married to a sports nut? I'll never know.

John loves college basketball. I remember early in our marriage sitting beside him as he rooted for his favorite teams, the Illini being a really big one. He would get so excited, and almost turn back into a boy again. It was cute.

And although I liked watching the games with John because he made them fun, and would explain what was going on to me without making me feel like a big dummy, there is just something about basketball games on TV that is annoying Maybe it's the noise that bothers me. The crowds chanting, the horns blowing, and every two minutes somebody blows a whistle. Maybe I just have ADD. I just think I would enjoy watching a basketball game a lot more if I could put the TV on mute.

And so now we are well into this year's March Madness. Not only is it a big whooping deal for college basketball, but also high schools. Both boys and girls teams play for championships. There are conference tournaments, NCAA, and the NIT which the Illini went to this year. There are brackets, with four regions, each with 16 teams. Each team is ranked by "seed" and they play each other until the region winners play in the Final Four. Filling out your brackets is called "bracketology." Confused like me? John said, "That's why they call it March Madness, Honey."

I've been told that this year there have been more upsets than in previous years. I've read a lot of comments on Face Book where people are throwing in their brackets, it seems to be very difficult to predict who is going to win. John said that's what makes it fun and frustrating. If anything can be fun AND frustrating, I'd have to say that basketball would be it.

Our pastor made mention on Sunday about the under-dog team from Northern Iowa that beat Kansas. He loves modern day David and Goliath stories. And who doesn’t? It gives us little guys hope. It‘s been reported that someone told the Northern Iowa team "You don't have to be the best team, you just have to be the better team for the next 40 minutes." (or something to that effect) Now if we all could do just that, think of what we could accomplish in life. I guess what I’m saying is in this life of brackets and tournaments, under dogs and top seeded teams, raising kids and working jobs, and just holding it all together; look at each challenge as a game to win. Play your hardest, one game at a time, and you’ll have nothing to hang your head about.